The Proposal: Part 1 of 4

This is absolutely funny, Zara thought.

So not only were employers looking at education as criteria for screening, prospective grooms were too! Tier 1 B School? Really? Had I known this, I would have definitely studied harder for my entrance exams!

‘Zara, listen to this’, her mother said with mirth in her eyes.

‘Tall, thin, fair, beautiful girl wanted’, her mother read,’ for a tall, broad, fair, handsome boy’.

Zara and her mother burst out laughing. All ads read the same. It was as if they all wanted the same girl and apparently, for the same boy!

‘This one looks good’, her mother said and handed over the newspaper.

So this fellow was obviously confused. First engineering, then law and then an MBA. Most parents saw highly educated when they read a lot of alphabets following someone’s name. But this education seemed confusing to say in the least. There was no correlation in the degrees pursued.

Zara’s parents were very liberal and they had willingly accepted when Zara had brought home Rahul. They did not belong to the same community. But neither families had any strict regulations about religion and marrying outside the community definitely carried no stigma. Rahul’s family had not only let her keep her name, she was also allowed to follow her religion openly.

They had gotten married at the first opportune moment and the families had got married as well. She wished the same for her younger sibling. But seeing such psychotic descriptions just made her worry.

Naima was everything a boy would want. She is perfect in every sense. Yes, she was biased towards her sister. But then who isn’t ? These people who advertised clearly thought a lot about themselves. Some of the men she had met, just matched the gender from the original description. Such liars them all.

And to trust such maniacs to take care of my baby sister. Especially this one, strictly no.

As if on cue, her sister snatched the paper from her hands and settled comfortably in the chair by the window.

‘None circled this week, huh?’

‘Your sister does not approve of this one’, her mother walked over and pointed out.

‘I can see why. Apart from his salary, there is nothing else specified here…! That is so shallow!’

‘Not that one. The one below that’.

First engineering, then law and then an MBA. Interesting. I would like to know where he went for his career counseling, Naima giggled to herself.

‘He is the right age, he is educated, lives in the same city. You can at least give it a shot’

‘Di, why didn’t you like him?’

‘Just didn’t feel right’

Why doesn’t ma leave the room, Zara thought.

It is only when Naima had reached the contact details did a gong go inside her head. It was a familiar number. There was a point in time she called the number more than ten times a day. He had not changed his 'lucky' cell number...!

A shiver went down her spine as she read the advertisement again: for someone who hated studies, he had managed 2 additional degrees. He still stays in the same area, she thought and started reminiscing about the time spent in his colony.

Wonder how he is doing, Naima thought.

To be continued…

Couch Surfing: Part 2/3

I guess, the most fascinating aspect about meeting people from other nationalities is that you get to see India from the outside. Things they know, seem to know or wrongly know about us, gives us a peep into how they see us. You realize that what is natural or common place for us, is ‘absolutely unbelievable’ for them.

Take the case of ‘arranged marriage’ in India. It’s amazing that they all seem to have an idea about it. And even though you don't really believe in the system yourself, you can't really be seen as someone mocking it. 

As archaic as it seems to me today, the system must have merits given how long it has been in practice. It is prevalent even today. I started thinking about how this system would work in the olden days. Given that there was a point in time when women in India were not allowed to step out of the house (to either study or work or even to do household chores), this system would be quite effective.

So you start with explaining how the system is not really so bizarre, how in India decisions are usually taken as a family and how parents are considered the best decision makers for their children and that is part of who we are. 

This usually leads to another topic which baffles them - the fact that children do not move out of their family homes at the age of 18 yrs. Additionally, there is absolute mind numbing shock to the practice of couples staying with the parents post marriage. It seems like such a natural thing for us, but they see this practice stifling and an indication of ‘control freak’ parents.

Apart from the 2 years I have spent in Pune, I have always been home. I did not ever think of staying by myself. I know a lot of people who are not staying with their families but for most of them, that is more a job or education related circumstance. I don’t know many people who would want to move out and stay away from home. Maybe we are very used to thinking in a certain fashion. Maybe we don’t think there is an option.

I distinctly remember the last time I had this discussion. I was headed to Elephanta Caves with a French national, who works for an electrical company and had come to India to attend a conference.

We were discussing things typically Indian, when we saw something even more Indian.

We were distracted by the sound of people chanting. They were all throwing religious items- garlands, flowers, water and other such items into the ocean. I could see him glance at the people and then at the water and then the people again. I hoped he wouldn’t ask one of those chanting mortals for an explanation regarding their behavior. You really never know how someone might react to being questioned, especially by a foreigner.

Before he could say anything, I offered an explanation for their behavior. I explained to him how certain items especially religious ones, need to be disposed off into a water body.

‘Religion is quite big here, isn’t it?’

A loaded question, if there was any. I smiled back a ‘yes’.

We veered to other topics. We got to talking about his work, the exhibition he was down for. He told me how their patented ideas were being ripped off by local players.

Since I started participating on Couch Surfing, I had increasingly become aware of being ‘Indian’. Visitors to the country don’t care that you are Marathi, Bengali or Gujarati or Assamese. They don’t care whether you are of any particular caste or creed or religion. You are simply Indian.

So I was thoroughly embarrassed even though I wasn’t really responsible for this copyright infringement. When he mentioned the blatant wrong, it felt personal. It somehow felt that he was telling me that Indians aren’t ethical or trustworthy. I know he wasn’t doing anything of that sort, but I felt embarrassed the same.

After the India leg of his trip, he was headed to China. I was wondering whether to tell him he should buckle up and expect more.

‘You do know what China is quite adept at copying technology’, I quipped with an intention to not sound high handed.

‘Yes. They would. So in the first year, they would make a cheap rip off. Subsequent attempts to improve the products would result in improvement in quality. There would be a stage in this blatant copy paste job that the quality of the product made would be better than the original. 

At such a stage, we buy this Chinese company out’.

Okay. That was brilliant. So they are making the same product, at a cheaper cost and superior quality as well. Evil genius.

To be continued...

Couch Surfing: Part 1/3

I like meeting new people. It broadens your horizons, widens perspective and prevents the onset of ‘frog in the well’ syndrome. That is what drew me to couch surfing in the first place: the opportunity to meet new people, people from different countries, hear about their way of life, hear stories about their travel (good, bad and ugly ones) and to have new experiences.

For the uninitiated, let me take a brief moment and explain what couch surfing is all about.

Isn’t it true that travel is more fun when you have friends wherever you go and who make you feel at home in any city?

Imagine having interesting friends around the world who will host you in their homes, show you around, and offer you a local’s perspective on what’s cool and interesting in their towns.

It is essentially a network of people who love travelling, who share their experiences and travel advice. It gives you a platform to research travel destinations from locals as well as those who have travelled to a place of your interest to make the most of your trips, avoid mistakes they made and essentially have a good holiday.

As a host, you not only learn about new cultures, but also reignite your love for your city by constantly seeing it through fresh eyes.

Interesting isn’t it?

But when I first heard about couch surfing, I was apprehensive. The curious cat within me saw it as a fantastic opportunity to meet new people, while the paranoid within me thought of it as a situation which could potentially unravel to horrid proportions.

In the time that I spent deliberating over the merits of couch surfing, friends I knew were meeting new people, taking them around the city, sharing stories of their experiences with me. Curiosity won and I decided to give in to the lure of being an ambassador for my country.

The first few interactions were simple email exchanges. The requests varied - helping them out with suggestions for places to eat, places to shop for souvenirs, where to buy jewelry from, what price range would the cab fare be etc. I was just being their travel help without actually spending time with them. It was ‘good samaritan’ behavior at a safe distance. I was just starting to realize how much help knowing a local can be. No wonder this concept is such a success.

Tourists visiting Mumbai have some typical requests. Everyone who comes to the country since ‘Slumdog Millionaire’, wants to visit Dharavi (after all, it is the largest slum in Asia). Then there is the ‘place of the terrorist attack’, ‘the Gateway of India’, the ‘queen’s necklace’ and many of them want to see a Hindi movie too!

And then there are also some atypical requests as well. Having been in the city for over 20 years now, I believed myself to be quite familiar with the city. I could not have been more wrong. The Lonely Planet, a Bible for tourists, has shown me exactly how much I don't know about my own city. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I have had to rely on good old Google a lot more than I would have liked.

The first time I took someone to the ‘Gateway of India’ was an eye opener. The American I was with, wandered off to take some photographs and I was following him at a distance with a fellow from the UK. This other person I was with, was essentially a Bangladeshi national who had settled in the UK. In the context of skin color, he did not stand out in the crowd of people at the Gateway unlike my American friend. It is unbelievable how many people asked a random American to pose for photographs. And he obliged with a huge grin on his face too. I don’t understand this phenomenon! I hardly think Indians are hounded abroad like we hound anyone with ‘foreign’ looking skin! And if we are, I hope we are as graceful.

The most embarrassing part about such episodes, are the questions that follow.

‘Why are Indians so fascinated with foreigners?’

‘Is it true that dark skin is frowned upon in India?’

And by far the most interesting one,’Where can I get a tan like yours?’

It is a well known fact that foreigners like colored skin. I guess everyone wants what they don’t have. They are surrounded by white skinned individuals. Everyone is a different shade of white and for them brown (yes, that is what they called me) is rare.

We, on the other hand, are surrounded by different shades of brown. This would explain the fascination for 'fair and lovely' skin here...:D

The first time I was asked this, I could not believe what I was hearing: ‘Where can I get a tan like yours. I want to be chocolate brown’

I had gone deep red in the face. But since the first time, I have learnt to handle my blush a lot better…:D

To be continued...

The Numbers Game

I am selective about movies I watch and I don’t waste hard earned money on every movie which is released. But like a lot of people, “Ek Tha Tiger” was on my “must watch in a theatre” list and I managed to watch in the first weekend itself.  

That is the power of big banner movies I guess. The draw of the movie automatically goes up when you have a big banner or a big actor/actress/director etc attached to it. And that is simply because of the track record of the people. Though today is the age of “You are as good as your last movie”, even then, one cannot discount the draw of a big banner like the YRF or a Dharma production.

The opening sequence was sharp and well done. Of course, it still amuses me how the entire gang of goons is quite inept at, well, being goons. It was the battle of the lone hero versus a bunch of bad guys where the bad guys are no match for the hero in terms of either athletic ability, agility, shooting skills or even pure nerve. Having said that, despite the reality and gravity defying situations, such sequences never fail to entertain and I know this isn’t the last time such a sequence will be shown.

As I chewed expectantly on my popcorn, the movie unveiled to expose a very mediocre story telling coupled with substandard performances. Thinking back, it was like the opening a chilled bubbly - massive fizz at the start and all you are eventually left with, is colored water.

Typically, in the days following a release, there is a lot of media frenzy around the movie. There are talk shows/interviews/discussions regarding the script, acting skills, chemistry between the lead pair, the music, etc. This includes opinions from critics, the film fraternity and people coming out of the movie halls.

But nowadays, I have started noticing this really insane trend of reporting box office grossing numbers! First weekend movie grosses 30 crores! This movie beat that movie by x crores! As unbelievable as the numbers are, it made me realize that movie making is after all - 'a money making business'.

Let us have a look at the math behind this. 

Let us consider first week collection to be 30 crore. Assuming the cost of a ticket is Rs. 200 to Rs. 250/-, it would mean roughly around 12-15 lakh people in the country have seen the movie in the first weekend. That is impressive. That would explain why producers insist on massive scales of release.

We often hear how there is a fight for release dates for two big banner movies. Then one of them, usually, shifts the dates. By ensuring that the movie is released across a majority of movie halls, not only is the choice for the audience limited, but also the initial hype and excitement is cashed upon to rake in the moolah. This is irrespective of the presence or the absence of quality in the movie making, script, acting or storyline.

Now I can see why no one puts their foot down and releases two movies at the same time. Both movies stand to lose!

Trade numbers are important to those investing in the movie. But why are these numbers getting discussed in so much detail? What is the audience supposed to do with these numbers? For a movie which was actually lacking in entertainment value, the fact that it made 30 crores in a certain week, means squat to me. All I took home was the fact that the movie was pathetic. 

When I hear the media declaring the movie a super hit due to such numbers, it just seems all wrong. Who decides what magic number of crores is the benchmark of a successful movie? Is monetary success the only measure of how good or bad a movie is? Just comparing absolute earnings of a movie is humbug. 

Movie making was and continues to be a business involving serious money. Movie makers have clearly taken the act of marketing the movie quite seriously. There are interviews on radio, TV, print, reality show appearances and the list is endless. Amongst all this 'advertising', the effort to actually make a movie seems to be lost. 

Irrespective of this, people will eagerly await new releases and big banner movies will continue to draw throngs. The need for entertainment will continue to exist. I know I am going to queue to watch the next YRF Jab Tak Hain Jaan on the first day itself. I just wish a few more of the movies actually live up to the hype and hoopla which is created pre-release. 

The Mystery of the Penguins

Have you seen the recent Coca Cola campaign ‘Ummeedon waali dhoop, sunshine wali assha’?

It is one of those ads which leave you feeling all warm inside. It talks about everything negative that everyone thinks/talks about while highlighting the positive that people do not know (possibly) or think/talk about. And, I don’t care whether the facts and numbers mentioned in the ad are correct. It always leaves a smile on my face.

It is one of the few ads I see to the very end, every time. After watching it one evening, I changed the channel and chanced upon the millionth broadcast of the 7 Up ad featuring Sharman Joshi and a set of grumpy penguins.

Each time I watch this ad right through to the end as well. And not because I love the creation. It simply boggles my mind.

For those lucky few who haven’t had the misfortune to be subjected to this ad, let me just take a minute to brief you.

Set up : People have come to see penguins (am guessing in a zoo or some sort of park) but the penguins look rather sullen. So Sharman Joshi, sips his 7 Up and does an extremely silly dance sequence and lo and behold – the penguins are now happy!

Am thinking the penguins wanted him to stop and hence pretended to look happy. They were suffering enough considering they were captive.

Maybe it is the MBA gyaan in my head which makes me look for the message and the consumer cues (and loads of other such jargon) in every advert. But each time I see this ad, I want to really look for one sane moment which can explain it all.

You know how some ads just don’t make sense? One wonders just how could they allow such ads to be made? Isn’t ad making an expensive process? Where there are agencies, marketing teams, branding teams and so on and so forth? How does such an ad make it through so many people?

So possibly 7 up was trying to say that you could ‘cheer someone up’ after drinking 7 Up. Ok, that would make sense.

But why use penguins? Is it because brands have started using animals in their advertisements? In the recent past, I could think of Kitkat (with the squirrels first and now the parrots) and Cadbury Gems (with the Pandas).

The Kitkat ads are cute. I love the angle of the skirmish between the furry couple and how they make up by singing a cheesy Bollywood number. The parrot ad is pretty much along the same lines. Here, the theme of the ads was to ‘take a break’ and notice things around you which you otherwise would miss. The use of animals in the storyline makes perfect sense to me.

The Panda made sense since Gems was possibly trying to talk about the different colors in their product. And the Panda changing color was a good way to showcase the same.

But I yet can’t see why 7 Up used penguins.

I agree, that all a cold drink does is quench your thirst and you really cant just communicate that. So I can understand the need for a beverage brand to latch on to an emotion:

• ·   Coke  - when you want to be happy or hopeful
• ·   Sprite  - when you meet a smart alec in your life and you want to best him
• ·   Mountain Dew  - when you confront something you fear

If you consider the ads made by these brands, they all talk about situations/circumstances which people encounter in their life be it the ‘boy meets girl’ in a bus with Imran Khan by Coke ad or the ‘boy meets oversmart boy’ campaign by Sprite. However over the top the ads might seem, the situation is very believable.

Unlike, the 7 Up ad.

I cannot imagine anyone running into penguins who would feel ‘cheerful’ after a mindless dance. Unless the penguins were set free post the consumption of soft drink!

So, if this were my ad and I was forced to have penguins in the storyline – I would have at least set the penguins free…!

Changing Times

I came across this quote recently - “I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first.” Peter Ustinov.

I started thinking whether this possibly could be true.

Given our social need to mingle and mix with people, we form social bonds with fellow human beings. Of course, the level of bonding varies from functional (you and your accountant), need driven (you and your pesky neighbor), social obligations (your classmates or colleagues who you would rather ignore) to this type called ‘friends’. This bond needs no further explanation.

But is it necessary that the friends you have known the longest are the ones who you necessarily like the most? On the other hand, is it necessary, that you are friends with someone because they merely ‘got to you first’? A flashback to the first lecture of my under graduate program was a clear eye opener for me. Yes – my friends today are the ones who got to me first. However, they aren’t my closest friends.

It was a startling realization. I started looking for examples around me which could be explained by the ‘got there first’ syndrome.

One early bird which comes to mind is the ‘Ambassador’ from Hindustan Motors (HM). For close to 40 years, everyone who wanted a diesel automobile in India befriended this car. ‘Premier Padmini’ was the only other option available but it lost to the ‘Ambassador’ in terms of being sturdy and spacious. HM had the ‘got there first’ advantage so to say but somewhere they became complacent and took their relation with customers for granted. Instead of evolving with the customers and their changing needs, the ‘Ambassador’ stayed the same.

When Maruti entered the market in the 1980’s, Indians quickly befriended Maruti. Within no time, Ambassador had lost its leadership position to Maruti. Moral of the story is that people (customers) sometimes befriend certain people (brands) due to absence of other people (brands) to befriend.

The friend, the brand in this context, should not take the relation for granted. The longevity of a relation does not necessarily ensure loyalty or strength of commitment. If the brand does not evolve, adapt or grow with the customer, the friendship starts to wither. The customers will hang around only because they have to and not because they want to. The early bird definitely got the worm and lost the butterfly!

Another first mover that comes to mind is ‘Acuvue’.

In early 1980’s, the Vistakon unit of J&J sold contact lens only meant for astigmatism, and were an expensive proposition. When they came upon an ophthalmologist in Copenhagen who had conceived a way to manufacture contact lenses inexpensively – J&J got to work. They bought rights to the product and set up a high speed manufacturing facility. The company got a 6 month head start over the competitors such as Bausch and Lomb and Ciba-Geigy. J&J not only brought in a new product, they also marketed it differently. They marketed the product to eye care professionals and end consumers as well. Even today, ‘Acuvue’ is the clear market leader. The competition was never able to catch up.

As a leader, you need to continually be on the lookout to better the solution to the problem your product is solving instead of becoming lethargic. Even today, J&J is continually working towards developing a better product and also towards some technologies which would make contact lenses obsolete.

‘Acuvue’, which is the friend in this context, is seen as someone who understands your needs better than everyone else. It would be quite difficult for a Bausch and Lomb to convince customers that they are better than J&J. It’s a clear case of that first friend being, and continuing to be your best friend!

With every new person who gets included in your social circle (a new brand launch), there is always an undercurrent of changing dynamics. There is no way for you to limit the interactions between two people. The only solution therefore, is to be totally cognizant of the state of mind your friend is in. The relation you have had till now will hold you in good stead for a while. If the new friend does enter the coterie, the secret is to quickly grow in the dimension that is missing in you currently; the dimension which made the new friend attractive in the first place.

The longer the relationship, the more change a friendship is bound to see. Every relationship needs work. The friend could have been with you since pre-school but if he fails to understand your needs and wants as a young professional today; the relationship will slowly change and possibly fade. The friend who observes this change and responds to accommodate the change is the one who will have the stronger relationship.

It is a disconcerting discovery that you as friend are under the scanner, but looks like Peter Ustinov was right after all. 

Vikruti Evam Prakriti

On 2 July 2009, the Delhi High Court de-criminalized homosexual intercourse between consenting adults, throughout India. It felt good to know that we as a country are ready to recognize the gay community. 

However, around seven months or so ago, I realized that it is not just the legal recognition that the community is fighting for.

I had decided not to right about this. But the recent controversy around the gay rights in California, brought back some old memories and so I thought of sharing my story.

I have altered some aspects of the story to ensure privacy of my friend. Let us name him XYZ.

There is a park near my home which I try to visit at least thrice a week. Since I have lived in the same locality since childhood, most of the faces at the park are familiar.

I ran into XYZ just as I was leaving the park one day. I had never seen his guy before. He is the sort of person who is hard to miss. He is about 6‘3” tall, very fair and looks like he is a regular at some gym.

Over the next few days, we graduated to smiling at each other when we passed each other.

A few days later, we had our first conversation at the juice center just outside the park. A consultant by profession, he was originally from Delhi and had moved to Mumbai a few months back.

XYZ and me were at the juice counter having small talk, when a group was just leaving the park. Since I know the group, I sort of waved a blanket good bye to everyone. To my surprise, a few of them completely ignored the greeting and proceeded out of the park.

Probably, they were engrossed in their own conversations; I thought to myself.

XYZ asked me,’ Do you know why they did not return your greeting?’

I did not know what to say, so I just waited for him to answer his own question.

‘It’s because you are standing with me’

Over the last few days, I had realized XYZ was gay. It did not affect my behavior with him. Why should it? His sexual orientation is of absolutely no consequence to me.

‘Have you seen anyone ever talking to me?’

Knowing that he was new to the city, I did not particularly expect him to have friends here. Somehow, the fact that people could be avoiding him just never struck me.

‘So now, they will not talk to you when you are with me’

OK. This was plain bizarre. Come on. People are not that crazy. Or were they?

‘I have been a member of this gym since over 4 months now. I used to work out in the evening’

He went ahead and told me how the gym members made him miserable. If he entered the weight training section, all the men pretty much vacated it the moment he entered the area.

They sniggered quite openly at him when he was working out and the men usually left the locker room when he walked in. Out of sheer dread, he had not even tried the steam room. He had paid up for a whole year, but he had stopped going to gym about a month or so back.

I felt nothing but abject pity for this man.

He went ahead and told me how he had met his partner. Both the men had decided to tell their families about each other. His parents in Delhi had disowned him. And currently they were dealing with his partners’ family in Mumbai. The outcome did not look positive there either.

It was not like they were children who had lost their way. It was a realization, a choice. And yet, no one was willing to accept their decision.

I started thinking about just how lonely they must be feeling.

Can you imagine your family disowning you? Can you ever imagine that your family would ever say that they rather have no child ? If family doesn’t understand, then who will?

I started thinking about the group who had apparently ignored me. What could they possibly have against this guy? The sexual orientation of one person should not matter to anyone else. Or is it because it is something they are unable to deal with? Can’t comprehend? Is it because they think it is not natural?

The sexual orientation of the person is such a personal choice. The Rigveda, one of the four canonical sacred texts of Hinduism says 'Vikruti Evam Prakriti'. It means - what seems un-natural is also natural. Historical literary evidence indicates that homosexuality has been prevalent across the Indian subcontinent throughout history, and that homosexuals were not necessarily considered inferior in any way.

I doubt if people consider the gay community to be inferior in any way. While legalizing gay marriages is important, a social approval and acceptance would definitely go a long way to make them feel a part of the society. What they need is not be frowned upon or discriminated against. What we need now, is a change in mentality.