Vikruti Evam Prakriti

On 2 July 2009, the Delhi High Court de-criminalized homosexual intercourse between consenting adults, throughout India. It felt good to know that we as a country are ready to recognize the gay community. 

However, around seven months or so ago, I realized that it is not just the legal recognition that the community is fighting for.

I had decided not to right about this. But the recent controversy around the gay rights in California, brought back some old memories and so I thought of sharing my story.

I have altered some aspects of the story to ensure privacy of my friend. Let us name him XYZ.

There is a park near my home which I try to visit at least thrice a week. Since I have lived in the same locality since childhood, most of the faces at the park are familiar.

I ran into XYZ just as I was leaving the park one day. I had never seen his guy before. He is the sort of person who is hard to miss. He is about 6‘3” tall, very fair and looks like he is a regular at some gym.

Over the next few days, we graduated to smiling at each other when we passed each other.

A few days later, we had our first conversation at the juice center just outside the park. A consultant by profession, he was originally from Delhi and had moved to Mumbai a few months back.

XYZ and me were at the juice counter having small talk, when a group was just leaving the park. Since I know the group, I sort of waved a blanket good bye to everyone. To my surprise, a few of them completely ignored the greeting and proceeded out of the park.

Probably, they were engrossed in their own conversations; I thought to myself.

XYZ asked me,’ Do you know why they did not return your greeting?’

I did not know what to say, so I just waited for him to answer his own question.

‘It’s because you are standing with me’

Over the last few days, I had realized XYZ was gay. It did not affect my behavior with him. Why should it? His sexual orientation is of absolutely no consequence to me.

‘Have you seen anyone ever talking to me?’

Knowing that he was new to the city, I did not particularly expect him to have friends here. Somehow, the fact that people could be avoiding him just never struck me.

‘So now, they will not talk to you when you are with me’

OK. This was plain bizarre. Come on. People are not that crazy. Or were they?

‘I have been a member of this gym since over 4 months now. I used to work out in the evening’

He went ahead and told me how the gym members made him miserable. If he entered the weight training section, all the men pretty much vacated it the moment he entered the area.

They sniggered quite openly at him when he was working out and the men usually left the locker room when he walked in. Out of sheer dread, he had not even tried the steam room. He had paid up for a whole year, but he had stopped going to gym about a month or so back.

I felt nothing but abject pity for this man.

He went ahead and told me how he had met his partner. Both the men had decided to tell their families about each other. His parents in Delhi had disowned him. And currently they were dealing with his partners’ family in Mumbai. The outcome did not look positive there either.

It was not like they were children who had lost their way. It was a realization, a choice. And yet, no one was willing to accept their decision.

I started thinking about just how lonely they must be feeling.

Can you imagine your family disowning you? Can you ever imagine that your family would ever say that they rather have no child ? If family doesn’t understand, then who will?

I started thinking about the group who had apparently ignored me. What could they possibly have against this guy? The sexual orientation of one person should not matter to anyone else. Or is it because it is something they are unable to deal with? Can’t comprehend? Is it because they think it is not natural?

The sexual orientation of the person is such a personal choice. The Rigveda, one of the four canonical sacred texts of Hinduism says 'Vikruti Evam Prakriti'. It means - what seems un-natural is also natural. Historical literary evidence indicates that homosexuality has been prevalent across the Indian subcontinent throughout history, and that homosexuals were not necessarily considered inferior in any way.

I doubt if people consider the gay community to be inferior in any way. While legalizing gay marriages is important, a social approval and acceptance would definitely go a long way to make them feel a part of the society. What they need is not be frowned upon or discriminated against. What we need now, is a change in mentality.

East meets west

Technology has changed this world and despite the possibility of misuse, overall I would like to believe it’s been for the better.

My doctor who migrated to the US, has embraced this advancement in technology so that his patients here can still consult him. Skype video call has become the bridge between the US and India.

So it works this way: The patients would continue to be received at his consulting room in India. A qualified homeopathy doctor, who was training under him, would receive the patients’ case history and examine them. A doctor-patient chat can happen in real time through the medium of a video chat.

Prior to my doctor permanently shifting base, I had experienced this once. Given the time difference in California and Mumbai, I did not think he would continue consulting this way on a daily basis. 

When I contracted sore throat, given my faith in homeopathy, I tried a new and highly incompetent doctor. This was before I knew my doctor was up for sleep deprivation on a regular basis. When I realized he was, I decided to not bother with a locum.

I called the clinic when my sore throat refused to heal. You can imagine my surprise, when I realized my doctor was in Mumbai for a short while! 

Once we were done with my medicines, he took me through how technology had enabled him to consult across the globe. With this method of practice, it is now possible to have ‘face to face’ online consultations with patients from all over the US and other countries. With Google+ now offering upto 10 video conferences at the same time, there are even greater opportunities. My doctor and his doctor wife consult together on cases as well. In fact, one can consult with multiple specialists at the same time and as my doctor says ‘the patient lives happily ever after’.

A visit to the doctor is typically about ailment discussion, physical examination followed by a medical evaluation and prescribing medicines. I never thought I would ever see the application of a video chat in medicine(despite having seen a glimpse of it in '3 Idiots'). But I have tried it and believe me - it works just fine... :)

All that glitters is definitely not gold

I came back early from work one evening - it is a rarity to reach home at the time when kids are still howling in the playground. I assumed some hectic, energetic sport must be on. You can imagine my surprise, when I rounded the corner and came upon a large huddle of kids jumping excitedly. By kids, I mean a group of around 14 with ages ranging from 12 to 16 yrs.

I was very curious and waited till the commotion died down. I walked up to them and asked them what they had been doing. They were having matches on their PSPs! It was only after they mentioned the gadgets, did I notice the PSPs that the girls were ‘preparing for the next match’! They were playing some god-forsaken car racing game!

Since I stood there quite stunned, one of them assumed I was waiting for more information. So he took me through their gaming routine.

In the morning, they usually didn’t come out to play because of the sun.

‘We don’t want to get tanned in the sun’. Wonder where these kids get their Vitamin D.

Evenings are spent at some class or the other. Classes for Math, Physics, Chemistry, Biology and even History and Geography! Wow… really? Science and Math I can understand. But History? And Geography? I know it’s been a decade since I wrote an exam for these papers, but I am pretty sure it wasn’t that tough!

Anyway, among the group of 17 odd who play in our society, more than a dozen kids have PSPs, 4 of them have PS3s and 2 of them have Xbox consoles...! On any given day, everyone is occupied till 7 pm in some form of tuition or the other. They are obviously quite exhausted and not in the mood for any physical activity post that. These kids have scheduled gaming matches after careful discussion about their schedules. Each gadget has it’s appointed day of glory and there is a clear timeline for each one to bring their gadgets as well….! So this is their substitute for actual games...!

As I am listening to what all games can be played on the respective game consoles, I start noticing other things around me.

Some of these kids are messaging, checking facebook (I know cause one of these tykes sent me a friend request), emails or randomly checking their phones (I guess they were waiting for me to leave). What annoyed me, I guess, is that they were all sitting right there but yet they were pre-occupied on their phones.

But, what possibly annoyed me more - were the phones these kids were carrying. I can see at least 4 Blackberry phones, 2 iphones, and some fancy touch phones. Why the hell do they need such fancy phones?

As I stood scrutinizing these spoilt brats, I was distracted by ‘Aryan tumhari toh main pitayi karungi’. This is followed by an energetic kid, roughly 2 feet in all, who is rushing out of the building. Aryan is my neighbor. After close to 5 secs, he was followed out of the building by the house help.

And it hit me.

You know guilty conscious parents? The type who want to make up for the time they don’t spend with their children? They need not actually feel guilty about it – but for some odd reason they do.

I was seeing a prime example of that right in front of my eyes. I know which kid belongs to what household. Most of them are dual income households. Working parents with hectic work lives. Pushing themselves, making sacrifices for a better future.

Parents, in my generation, were not ambitious enough. Or maybe there were and they gave it all up so that they are around when we were growing up.

My mother waited up for me each day when I got back from school. If I had a particularly long day, she would prepare my favorite eats and treats.After an hour of my favorite cartoons, we would sit for studies. An hour of studies at max and we were free to go play!

We did not have fancy gadgets growing up. We pretty much grew up on games and sports our parents grew up on. We have fallen and had a fair share of bruises which we carried with pride (really it was quite cool to be seen with a bandage and red antiseptic liquid which resembled blood).

We attended classes to aid our studies. But now, the classes take up more time that the time spent at school…! And I don’t really blame these students/parents – it is damn competitive today.

I felt bad for this bunch I was talking to. They do not have the time to be children! Maybe these kids deserve the gadgets and the fancy material life.

I have something priceless of my own - I have the memory of a childhood.

Missing my doctor....

Since childhood, I have been a very ill child. Every specialist a person could end up visiting through the course of their life, was a part of my life within the first 3 yrs of my life. I am used to eating pills and taking nasty concoctions. Syringes, are another story altogether. I cannot think of even going for a blood test on my own. Till date, the pathologist I go to-is used to my showing up with either of my parents. I usually go early and wait in queue for my turn. The doctor patiently waits for my parent/s to turn up. After some light hearted teasing, he would prepare a new syringe for my blood test. He would give me a chocolate after the test and does so even to this day. Sort of removes the sting off the blood test!

I have gone to the same doctor since childhood. You know how you feel when you meet your childhood doctor? Just by being so sensitive, they make you feel like they will make you better in no time. That he will make you fit and fine? That he knows exactly what is wrong with you. Am pretty sure placebo effect is at work when he is involved. I feel I am getting better just after leaving his clinic.

My point is: I have always had the good fortune to be blessed with amazing doctors. The type who understand the fears of the patient and deal with it in a very loving manner. And somewhere I assumed every doctor would be the same.

Recently though, my illusions were shattered. My doctor migrated to the states. Since he migrated I have somehow managed to not fall ill. But I tried a new doctor when I had sore throat recently.

Just a background: This doctor is roughly in his early 30s. Has a fancy clinic near my house. Has gleaming expensive magazines stacked in the waiting area. Essentially, a place screaming of success. However, my meeting with him was a total washout.

After taking my history, which lasted a total of 10 mins, we had a rather brief discussion. This is how the meeting went:

Doc: since how long have you had sore throat?

Me: yesterday

Doc: how badly does it hurt?

Me: hurts when I swallow.

Doc: On a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest: how badly does it hurt?

Briefly about me: I come from a background in market research. And when I heard the scale question, I couldn’t stop laughing in my head. And since he wasn’t anywhere as pleasant as my previous doctor, I decided to be obtuse.

Me: 6.5

Doc says: do you get relief from hot or cold foods?

Me: hot foods.

And that was it. He didn’t even check my throat. I am definitely not going back to him.

Are doctors as a breed becoming more mechanical? just about turning around more and more patients in a single day? Is there no human factor? Am I right in feeling cheated? Or am I being too expectant? 

Or did I go to one who was dead inside?

Either way, the experience left a bad taste in my throat...errr mouth. I want my doctor back!